At the flip of a coin

Smoking, why do we start? I honestly don't believe that those who don't are stonger, smarter, more sure of themselves, I just think they were lucky. Is that my excuse? Well, yes, as a matter of fact it is. When one fraction of a second is all that is needed to doom you for the rest of your life, are we really that guilty? The apple was poisoned, the ginger-bread house was a trap, I was lured with false promises and now I'm forever guilty of my innocent crime. Now I feel weak, dirty, bad, stupid. Do people usually dig up other's dirt from before they were 13? Does that not seem illogical? It's just hard for me to accept that humans with braces, that still don't choose their own clothes, that haven't ever had a pimple, that can still hunch their shoulders and not wear a bra, are completely accountable for their actions. Don't worry (you self-righteous-non-smokers), it doesn't make it any easier to quit. You still have your advantage. However, has it not happened to you (by you I mean those of you in my same plight) that when you quit you become self-righteous? It has happened to me. I tell myself I pity my ex-smoking -buddies but maybe I'm just suddenly lonely. You know there are support groups for ex-smokers? Most people don't believe it's such a big deal. Yeah, you're just lucky. And here I am writing about it and all I can think about is how much I want a smoke. And I KNOW it causes cancer, and I KNOW it's the one responsable of my shortness of breath, my coughing, my worthless immune system, I KNOW. Why does that mean nothing to me? I pretend it scares me but it doesn't, not as much as a cheap horror film; so, no, I can't say it scares me. Smoking is my Humbert.